The Real On-Star
The following is an actual conversation between On-Star and a subscriber:
On-Star: Hello, this is On-Star, is this an emergency?
Subscriber: I don't know Helen, I pushed the button, now what?
On-Star: Hello? Sir?
Subscriber: Who's there?!
On-Star: This is On-Star sir, are you in need of assistance?
Subscriber: Who? A monster? What the hell is happening?
On-Star: Sir, you have pushed the button to contact ON-STAR, do you need help?
Subscriber: Help? Yes, we need help, can you help us?
On-Star: I'm here to help you in any way I can. What is the nature of your trouble?
Subscriber: My wife has to go!
On-Star: Go? Go where?
Subscriber: To the bathroom, where do you think?!
On-Star: Sir, is this an emergency, do you need my assistance, or an ambulance?
Subscriber: I don't know...is this an emergency Helen? She says no, she might be able to hold it but would like to go before we get to dinner. We're going to our son's house to meet his new girlfriend and my wife doesn't want to wet herself, but we don't want to be any trouble.
On-Star: (silence)
Subscriber: So can you help us?
On-Star: Sir, I don't understand what you want. Do you need directions to a bathroom?
Subscriber: Directions? What do you think, she's never used a toilet before?! She's a sixty-six year old woman, I think by now she knows how to move her bowels! Don't you dear?
On-Star: Sir...I'm going to have to terminate this phone call if I can't help you in some way.
Subscriber: So help me already!
On-Star: I would like nothing more than to help you. But you have to explain to me how I can do that.
Subscriber: You can help me by not being such a wisenheimer and answer my question!
On-Star: What is your question sir?
Subscriber: Never mind! We're here. I hope this new girl can cook. The last one was some sort of mutant in the kitchen, I can tell you! Couldn't toast a bagel, that one!
On-Star: Thank you for calling On-Star sir, we're always here to help.
M. PotPie
posted by Monkeypotpie @ 9:44 AM
8 Comments:
They should advertise this one on tv instead of the ones that play into your fears and worst nightmares.
Old people are so silly.
Women always have to use the bathroom everytime they ride in a car.
So this is what most of my clients are doing in their spare time...damned geriatrics!
Wow. People are stupid. I really, really hope that is a joke. Actually I can believe it. Nevermind. I do believe it. I forgot who was President for a second.
Chicken- thanks!
Lt. A.P.- Agreed. Creating need through fear is evil.
Indy- And gassy, too.
Nolff- Most of them have bladders the size of peanuts.
Mangey- Are you an On-Star operator?
MKD- I wish it were real. That would make it funnier.
Nope..unfortunately, I'm rubbin ass all day..I'm a massage therapist..commence with the rude banter por favor..
Mangey- Have you tried an iron to get the wrinkles out?
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