I have a question that troubles me. Well, it's troubled me for a long time, but I don't think I've ever really put it into print. It's a common question I'm sure, not one which makes me unique, but it's an important one nonetheless (which may be the epitome of irony). Or maybe it's not.
Is ANYTHING really important? Does anything really matter in the grand scheme of things?
Yes, this is a very broad question. But my personal non-belief in any sort of afterlife (which is also odd, considering my ghost experience, a topic which we'll revisit at some point) makes actual living...well...pointless.
I long ago decided that if life itself is essentially pointless than the only thing worth living for is happiness. I decided to devote my life to doing things that bring me joy and pleasure. In essence, I decided to become the ultimate hedonist.
It's not going very well. Well, on some fronts it is. I eat what I want (and thankfully have a good metabolism) I drink what I want, I say what I want, I see who I want and I generally ignore most social mores. I don't give a good-god-damn about anyone's opinion of me (but I do want you to like me) and hope you don't care about my opinions of you.
And yet....I think in some respects I'm miserable. I blame it on my job, on the fact that I have to work at all, and this is entirely my fault. Let's face it, without work I have no money and without money I have nowhere to live, nothing to eat, etc... etc... etc... ad nauseum.
But because I get no joy from working, and I spend more time here than anywhere else, my quality of life is in the shitter.
(Please understand I'm taking full responsibility for this. My hope is that if I read this over enough I'll actually do something about it.)
My question to you is this:
Have any of you gone through this and successfully changed your life? And are you still happy?
(I'm starting that book tonight, Chicken. I'll let you know how it goes.)
I tell myself this will take some time, and to take baby-steps, but I'm impatient.
M. PotPie
posted by Monkeypotpie @ 11:01 AM
9 Comments:
Up until now, I've only ever worked just to earn money for the next adventure/trip/foreign travel experience...the down side of that was loads of couch surfing at not-so-willing friend's houses when I got back from said adventure. That being said, I went back to school and 'got a career' of which makes pretty good $$, but isn't what I ever pictured myself doing. I am now trying to re-pursue my photojournalism career that I dumped out of sheer stupidity many moons ago...long story..fire up the bong and I'll tell you about it some time...
This does not follow: No afterlife entails life is pointless, therefore hedonism, therefore money, therefore job. If there is no afterlife, surely life is the only important think, and every moment is its own point. But if life is pointless, why value happiness? Why not value struggle, or pain, or love? Or leopards? If happiness is the most important thing, then why work? There has been no clearly established link between money and happiness.
I think the most important thing in life is good health. Without it you will be miserable. I believe life is essentially "pointless" that we define its worth through series of short-term goals and personal relationships.
doggrrrrl- This is my latest job (well, I've been in lending around 5 years). I've been a radio dj, landscaper, bartender, house painter, snow plower...I'd be a gigolo but I don't have the abs. A plan would be good, yes. Crime spree?
mangey- that's what I did last night. Fired up the bong. I felt much better afterword. I'd love to hear your story.
helga- Is that really the trail I left? I only work because it's necessary. If I didn't I would have to live with friends, mooch off them and all that..or be a drifter. And I think we all know what happens to drifters. The idea of just drifting is terribly attractive to me, but the reality would be awful. I value happiness (which is an abstract concept as it means something different to everyone) because the pursuit of it seems to be worthwhile. As for the point/pointlessness of life..I suppose there's something to be said for the journey, even if the destination is death.
chicken- you help more than you know.
indy- I've never set a goal in my life. Maybe that's part of the problem.
OH MY GAWD I could write an entire blog on this topic. Here is the short version:
I graduated college. I got a really good job. I got really depressed and almost died. I got better. I made the decision to never ever be that depressed again as long as I could help it. I knew my life as-it-was wasn't satisfactory. I got carpal tunnel. I went on disability leave, 3 months. I realized my job wasn't worth the pain it caused. I realized my life there wasn't worth trying to find a new job/apartment/etc.
I found some blogs written by happy librarians. I researched librarianship. It seemed right. I applied and got into a program in my home state. I quit, I moved in with my parents, took out loans, went to school full time.
I got a student job. I niched myself into a special position at that job. They created a part time staff position based on the work I did. I applied. I got it. I went part time student and got another PT job.
I now work at two different archives, take two classes, and live at home.
Even when I don't want to actually go in to work, I absolutely love my work. I would never go back to what I left, which wasn't a terrible life at all-- it just wasn't great either. Life here isn't always great, but the difference is, I LIKE it.
Center- Glad to see you're up and blogging. And I'm also glad you had an ass doctor with a sense of humor.
I like your story. I sometimes get bogged down in the whole "it's too late to start over" crap. Yeah, I'll be 37 this year, but I imagine I still have at least 35 years left. So half my life, in other words. Now it's just a matter of getting off my ass and doing it.
I think you have hit on one of the many dilemmas that humans face. There are no easy answers except clichés.
Lt. AP- Too true, too true. Stormy & I have been talking a lot about moving to North Carolina...I think a move could serve as a catalyst. Or I could be fooling myself.
Chicken- I've been giving that suggestion quite a bit of thought. It's a good idea, that!
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