Not A Thanksgiving Post

Once, in a land slightly more free and slightly less judgemental than our own, lived a man named Otis. Otis had been a farmer, a laborer, a herdsman and a husband. Currently he was none of these things. He was, as they say, 'between jobs'.

What's that? Husband is not a job, you say? Pish tosh! I, good reader, have been one, and I can assure you that it's nothing but work. Take out the garbage! Make dinner! Do the dishes! Fix the window! Find the little man in the boat! A husband's work, my friend, is never done.

But that is neither here nor there. We were speaking of Otis, the former farmer, laborer, herdsman and husband. Otis had a problem, you see. He was broke. Flat broke, not even a ha'penny to his name. And he was out of food. What to do? Surely he could not survive long without money or food, could he? He thought of going into The Woods.

"Maybe I should go into The Woods?"

But decided against it.

"No. Bad idea."

The Woods were supposed to be filled with food, berries and such, and there was thought to be clear springs of fresh water. Why, a man could live free forever in The Woods! There was, however, one problem:

The Faerie.

The Faerie were feared and reviled throughout the land, reputed to have monstrous appetites for small children and wayward virgins. It was said that once you looked upon them you could never leave The Woods and you had to live as their servants....forever!

Otis, being somewhat lazy, did not want to be a servant. His somewhat laziness also explains his long list of former occupations. He's not much of a hero, really. I know him quite well, and let me assure you that if you were a damsel in even the smallest amount of distress he would not come to your aid. He owns no shining armor that I'm aware of and if you've ever seen him on a horse...well, it's not pretty. But I digress.

Otis had two choices: Get a job (which really wasn't a choice, having the reputation he does) or go into The Woods. He thought about it again.

"Maybe I should go into The Woods?"

This time...he thought...

"Well, what the hell. Maybe The Faerie aren't real."

That evening (because really, what would a trip to The Woods during the day be? Boring, that's what!) Otis approached The Woods. Gathering all his nerve, which didn't take long, he took one tentative step in.

Nothing happened.

He took another. Nothing. Feeling considerably better he relaxed a bit and wiped his brow. Otis looked around and, seeing nothing resembling a Faerie, he started walking further into The Woods, determined to find berries and water.

Poor Otis. On his eleventh step in he was accosted by a psychotic Faerie with a penchant for violent sodomy and Mexican food. Seeing as there was no Mexican food to be found in The Woods....

Well, you get the picture.


M. PotPie