24 Hours in the Jungle
I have been called out. I have had pressure applied and guilt thrust upon me, heaped in giant piles...or this could be my imagination.
Whatever the reason, here are some of the events that transpired in the last 24 hours of my life:
1. When the alarm went off at 5:45am, weighed the options of getting up and making coffee or hurling the clock through the window. Because it was 20-some degrees outside, chose coffee.
2. Like I do every morning, went outside with Oscar and walked around with him until he found the right spot to poop.
3. Picked up said poop, by hand, with a plastic grocery bag. The poop is warm, firm and steaming in the cold air. Good dog!
4. Took said poop to the goose blind that sits roughly 100 yards from my apartment and mashed it on to the bench where those fuckers sit and fire shotguns at 6am on weekends. Fuck you, hunters!
5. Laughed maniacally as I walked away.
6. At work, decided to read blogs instead of prepare a mortgage for closing.
7. 30 minutes later I regretted the decision as the mortgagees showed up early.
8. For the 100th time wished I was still at home in bed. Or in bed with company.
9. Worked my ass off to make up for my lazy co-workers and boss.
10. Scowled like a demon.
11. Decided I needed sugar, so I went downstairs and stole candy from the crippled children. Ok, not directly from them, but there is a cardboard box full of candy that you're supposed to leave money for. I did not.
12. Wept as I ate my skittles.
13. Went behind the teller line to fill my water bottle.
14. Flirted with a couple of tellers and wondered what they looked like naked.
15. Smiled quietly to myself.
16. Got a chubby for the 10th or 11th time that day.
17. While talking with some members at my desk, wondered why the hell they were married as they obviously disliked each other intensely.
18. Decided it was the guy's fault as I could smell him.
19. Thought about my ex-wife. Missed her.
20. Thought about my other dog. Missed him.
21. Thought about skittles. Ate some more.
22. Went home, watched Sports Center, did dishes.
23. Made pasta with broccoli, anchovies, garlic and fried breadcrumbs. Delicious.
24. Watched Bones and House. Was slightly disappointed.
25. Read for a while, played with the dog, shit, went to bed.
So there you have it. Not very eventful, I'm afraid.
M. PotPie
posted by Monkeypotpie @ 8:25 AM
7 Comments:
See? that wasn't so hard.
Center- Like I said, it was just a chubby. Not that hard.
doggrrrl- Self spank..normally I would certainly have done that. But I'm saving it for my playmate this weekend.
My mornings consist of steaming dog poop too. There's nothing quite like that sweet stench to wake you up in the morning.
What a fine day you had.
Isn’t it weird how coffee in the morning makes you not kill, maim or otherwise hurt things?
However, I must point out the ironic factor that your boss and co-workers are lazy, but you, mister, spent a whole half hour reading blogs. Isn’t it also weird how all you want is spoon but have 10,000 forks?
asainpixie- awesome name...such pictures in my mind... Dog poo rules.
Ty- It was delish. I'll send you the recipe if you want.
MKD- A little too ironic. Yes I really do think.
Quite the day! And, the dinner does sound very yummy! If you give the recipe to Ty tell him to pass it along!
snav- if you want it I'll be happy to pass it along. If I remember, that is. I'm terrible at remembering some things.
Post a Comment
<< Home