A Fashionable Death (Part Two)

(Stupid title, I know. Suggestions are welcome)


The bus ride from New Orleans to Detroit took forever. I'm not really sure how long it actually was, or even what states we went through, and I guess I don't care. The only thing I was interested in was getting off the damned thing and away from my fellow passengers. During the trip I made a hundred silent vows to save more money so I could fly and avoid riding on this travelling cesspool.

I arrived somewhat later than the forty-five minutes prior to departure the bus line had suggested, so when I boarded there were very few seats left, all of them in the rear. I had really wanted to have a seat to myself but that was out of the question now. Looking over the possible seats I decided to take one next to a bookish looking woman that I assumed was somewhere in her late forties. She was already reading so I figured she'd at the very least be quiet. The seat had the bonus of being very near the bathroom as well. At least I thought it would be a bonus.

I don't know if it was something in the air, bus fumes or whether people that habitually ride buses have digestion problems, but I swear the little stall of a bathroom was never empty. Not once, for the entire eleven hundred mile trip. And every damn person that went in there smelled worse than the one before, a hellish parade of human waste, both figuratively and literally.

But that wasn't the worst part. No, the worst part was that the kind folks waiting in line for their turn wanted to talk. To me. I had the aisle seat and must have looked very approachable that day because nothing I did, from reading the newspaper I brought along to pretending to sleep, could stop them from trying to chat with me. Even when I put the newspaper in front of my face they wanted to talk. One woman in particular decided to read the other side of the page I was looking at and wanted to discuss the story.

"Oh my. Oh dear. Oh! Can you believe it?"

I folded the page down and glared at her, giving her my meanest look. It didn't phase her at all.

"Can you imagine going through all that, just for an animal? Some people, eh?"

I had no idea what she was talking about so I glanced at the story. Apparently a couple in Shreveport had a newborn that was horribly allergic to cats. They loved their cat so much that they built an addition on to the house just so they could keep it. Weirdos.

"I can't believe that they really wanted a cat that bad. Well, it just goes to show you eh? Now I'm a dog lover myself. How about you?"

I had no interest in continuing this conversation and was silently praying for the bathroom door to open so she could go in. Even the stench that was sure to come out was better than this. I decided to take drastic measures.

"Me? I hate animals. All of them. The only things they're good for are eating and wearing."

That did the trick. She tut-tutted to herself and left me alone after that. I could not wait to get to Detroit.

I managed to take a bit of a nap and woke up when we made a pit stop. I had no idea where we were so I tried to track down the bus driver and ask her, but I couldn't find her. We were outside a little cafe called the Tick Tock, which promised fine dining and family specials. There was also a huge red sign on the roof that said "EAT". I decided not to obey this particular command. I walked back to the bus thinking I would try to continue my nap. As I got on I passed an older gentelman in a fishing hat.

"Excuse me sir, do you know where we are?"

"Yep." He answered without looking at me.

Well. Serves me right for asking a direct question. I tried a different tactic.

"Ok..well can you tell me how far we are from Detroit?"

"Yep." Still not a glance my way.

"Well, will you please tell me?"

"Yep. It's only a fur piece away, a coupla errs or so."

"Well...thank you."

"Yep. Don't mention it."

I walked back to my seat rolling my eyes and wishing the trip was over. Later of course I wished I had never made it in the first place.

(To be continued)

M. PotPie