Last Will & Testament.

So I'm going to North Carolina next week on vacation. I thought I'd draw up a will for the occasion in case anything goes horribly awry, which things are wont to do in the South.


Last Will and Testament

If I am to pass into the ether during my sojourn to The Old North State, I wish the following rites to be observed:

1. My headstone shall read: Damn it! I knew she was up to something!

2. My gravesite shall be decorated with the Official State Fruit, The Scuppernong Grape. And there shall be several statues of the Official State Mammal, the Grey Squirrel. The headstone shall be made of the Official State Rock: Granite.

3. At my wake, no one shall drink the Official State Beverage, which is Milk. Rather they shall drink Sapphire & Tonic, all the while singing the Official State Song, The Old North State, while a dozen Official State Dogs, Plott Hounds, howl along.

Failure to observe these rites will result in my returning from the dead to haunt any transgressors. There will also be brain-eating as I'll be a zombie. A sexy, sexy zombie with very good fashion sense and sharp teeth. I may do the dance from the Thriller video, too.