Jihad Envy

I totally have Jihad-envy. So far only one person has offered to join my Jihad, and he recently drew a picture of himself as a douche bag. How is it that a guy like Osama can get thousands to lay down their lives for him, but I can't get ten people to fight the phone company? Maybe it's because he's taller than me and has a cool beard...and millions of dollars. Well at least my kindneys work, shitbag!

I'm finding that organizing a Jihad isn't as easy as I originally thought. First of all, I don't know any Muslims...all the people I hang out with eat of the pig, which I understand is forbidden by Allah. Second, I used to be Jewish, so maybe I'm not pronouncing Jihad properly. I probably use too much phlegm, so maybe terrorists, or those who might be coerced into wearing explosive shirts, don't understand me. After that it's anyone's guess.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not giving up on my Jihad just yet. Perhaps it's time to recruit from the displaced Voodooists currently causing so much mayhem in New Orleans. If there's two things the phone company doesn't understand, it's Voodoo and logic, so maybe a precise explanation of what their fucking problem is written in chicken blood will help. It sure can't hurt!

VOODOOISTS OF NEW ORLEANS! (and anyone else that feels like it) IT'S TIME TO RECLAIM YOUR RIGHTFUL PLACE IN THE MAINSTREAM! JOIN MY FIGHT AGAINST THE POWERCOM BASTARDS! BRING YOUR ZOMBIES AND CHICKENS! TOGETHER WE CAN ACCOMPLISH WHAT SEPARATELY WE CANNOT! AFTER THAT, YOU MAY GO HOME. THANK YOU.


M. PotPie