Tuesday in Bed

Ok, not really. I'm at work. But I wanted to stay in bed and eat chinese, either food or a woman.

So when I got to work today there was a guy passed out in his car in the middle of the parking lot. The car was running and the windows were open. I thought at first he was maybe waiting for the drive-through to open and just didn't notice that it had, but he wasn't moving at all. I walked in the building, shuffled to my cube and turned on my computer. Then I changed my voice-mail for the day, got some coffee and looked out the front door into the parking lot.

Still there.

At this point I figured I had two choices. One, I could go out there and wake him up. Two, I could call the cops and make them do it. On the one hand, maybe he's dead and not asleep, or maybe he had a stroke, or more likely he's drunk as hell and passed out, in which case the last thing I want to do is wake him up and let him drive off.

So I went for two and called the cops. They sent a guy out. The cop parked his car, made a few notes and approached the perpetrator, hand on his gun. I thought that to be a little excessive, but perhaps they're trained to do it that way.

"Whenever approaching a sleeping man, put your hand on your pistol so that when he wakes up he's confronted with a violent image. It confuses the perpetrator and makes you feel special."

Anyway he walks up to the car and says something. (I can't hear what he was saying...several co-workers and I were watching from the window.) The man does not respond. The cop knocks on the window. The man does not respond. My co-workers are now conjecturing on what's wrong. I'm thinking of taking bets. Drunk is clearly the majority opinion, currently on the board at 2/1. We also have just sleeping at 4/1, medical emergency at 8/1 and dead at 20/1.

We have action! The man responds and the cop is clearly asking him to get out of the car. The man is rubbing his eyes and looks unsteady on his feet. The drunk bettors are high-fiving and counting their money, but their odds are now at 3/2. Just sleeping moves to 5/1, medical emergency is now 50/1 and dead has gone to 99/1. Wait...the sobriety test is in progress....and he passes! Just sleeping wins it at 5/1, paying good money!

And after that he went through the drive-through to get a cash advance on his credit card of $75. I would have missed this had I stayed in bed.