No, I'm not Bruce Willis

Ok, what the fuck? Sure, I may bear a passing resemblance to the aforementioned Mr. Willis, but come on! I weigh somwhere around 50-60 pounds less than him (at least...he keeps getting fatter, I think) and I think he's about 10 years older than I.

So why do people keep asking me if I'm him?

Really, I should be taking advantage of this, but unfortunately I haven't been asked this question by any attractive young women with self-esteem issues. It's mostly guys at bars, and I don't swing that way, thankyouverymuch. This monkey swings for the ladies and only the ladies.

I wonder if there's a way I could make money off this...maybe charging a small fee to cut the ribbon at small-town mall openings? Any ideas would be appreciated.

In the meantime I'll be practicing saying "Yippee-ka-yey motherfucker!"