I Am Wearing A Suit (repost from defunct blog)

Today I am wearing a suit. I have only two suits, so when I do wear one it's a special day. Friday, March 25th is Green Suit Day. It's not an obnoxious green, but rather a subdued olive/grey that draws the eye and makes it linger, taking in the glory of precise tailoring and fine material. I think it's wool.
My suit fits well and rests on my body like it belongs there, it floats around me and moves with me. I sometimes get the idea that my suit is alive and is only happy when I'm wearing it, and the suit that is left hanging in the closet is jealous and spends the day silently weeping. When I get home from work and hang the suit up, the jealous one is full of questions and badgers the one I've worn, asking if I've left anything in the pockets or if anything was spilled that day.
The suits are the aristocracy of the closet, and rarely will they talk to the shirts or ties, never to the sweaters or clothes not fit to wear to work. The closet is a very segregated community, with the suits getting the best hangers and the most space, lest they wrinkle and I am forced to take them to the dry cleaner's, which they hate. They pretend to like it though and lord over the other clothes saying "See? Even when he wears you he takes us along!"
My suits are snobs, but they do convey a certain sense of confidence while I'm wearing them. Suddenly I'm 'Sir' or 'Mr' and people notice me more often. The checkout girls at the grocery store smile more often and really mean it when they say "Thank you for shopping!" I imagine that if I were pulled over for speeding the officer would say "Do you know how fast you were...hey, that's a nice suit! You should really slow down, sir. I'll let you off with a warning this time. Have a nice day!" I have also noticed that people are eager to open doors for me while I'm wearing my suit, as if the act is below someone who is dressed as nicely as I am.
At work I feel more professional and sit straighter in my chair. I keep my cube neater and spend less time chatting with co-workers. I am here for business, can't you tell by my suit? I am more efficient, more articulate and will not tolerate any nonsense. I leave that to the off-the-rack-shirt-and-tie-without-a-jacket crowd, who gather around the water cooler like vultures dissecting the latest happenings on the news, and to the sweater and scarf women who huddle in the kitchenette eating low-fat crackers and drinking diet soda while they gossip.
I won't join either group today. I am wearing a suit.

M. PotPie