Right!

Ladies and Gentlemen, members of the press, thank you. Your Holiness, Mr. President, thank you. Before we begin I'd like to state for the record that whatever happens here is not my fault. Ok, if we're all set I'm ready for your questions.

Yes, your Holiness, please. I'm sorry, I don't understand...in English please? No, no I don't believe in god, per se. If you're speaking of an almighty being that created everything, knows everything and will judge me when I die...that god I don't believe in, no. Well your Holiness, I'll meet you there. Next question? Mom?

No, at this point I don't believe you'll become a grandmother. I can't imagine having a child at this time. Next question? Mrs. Ford, my seventh grade Geography teacher, yes? Well yes, I have to agree, the world is going to pot, and bravo. Yes, I'd say I am a huge disappointment to a lot of people. The last time I did drugs? About thirty minutes ago. Yes, I am. On the pot, yes. Next question please. Mr. President?

What's that? How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I really don't think that's in good taste, sir. Ethnic jokes, while funny in private, don't belong at this conference at this time. Excuse me? It's not a joke? You've always been curious about stuff like that? I see. I guess I can't answer that one, sorry.

Perhaps taking questions was a bad idea. I suppose I'll summarize by saying this: "LIVE!! FROM NEW YORK!!...ok, not New York. How about: VIRTUALLY! FROM AMERICA'S DAIRYLAND! It's nothing, really.


M. PotPie